Any funny stories to share?

[Raymond Chapman]

Well, nothing really funny has ever happened to me. No mistakes or mix ups.

Well...maybe just one or two. While I was in college I worked with Ellison Edwards who taught me most of what I know about the sign business. It was my job to load the pickup to go out on a handlettering job that was about thirty miles from the shop. I loaded patterns, paint, ladders and everything I could think of. We arrived, applied the pattern and then went to start painting....I had forgotten the brushes. So, a thirty mile trip back to Abilene, pick up the brushes and a thirty mile trip back to the job. And, yes, Jackson, it was in the hottest part of the summer. And Ellison was even hotter.

Lacquer thinner rag in the back pocket here too. And I've dropped an X-acto knife into my thigh while sitting on top of a ladder. Pulled out the knife and kept on working until I felt something warm running down my leg. I had poked a hole in a rather large artery and it took a little while to get the blood stopped.

Also while working with Ellison in Abilene, we were putting some letters up on an apartment wall - off one of those old expandable walk boards. The kind that killed your calves and ankles from trying to stay balanced. We were only about 15 feet off the ground, but somehow I tilted the board forward and lost my balance. Like slow motion, I slid down the face of the rough brick wall. Nothing was broken on me, but my hands, stomach and chest were scratched up rather nicely. Somehow, the wall kept me up close and slowed down my fall.

Once while digging two holes for a sign in Salado, just south of me, we encountered lots of rocks. Both of my sons, Mike and Steve, were helping. As we dug we had to remove some rather large rocks, which then made each hole wider and wider as we got deeper. After about two hours of hand digging we had one large hole that we could have driven the truck into. We finally installed the two posts in concrete and the sign hasn't budged a fraction of an inch in the last 10 years. It would be interesting to see the look on the face of the person who has to remove the sign if that that ever happens.

A lot of our installations look like a performance of the Keystone Cops. There's a lot of laughing and shouting as we stumble around on ladders and roof tops. No one has ever been hurt (yet) but I'm sure it is a comedy to those observing.

Mike Jackson found out how little I know about installations when I worked with him a long time ago. Also, Mike had me letter a small show card one time...until he found out that I had misspelled a word and then he decided that Darla could do the showcards.

Once we were installing a rather nice dimensional sign inside a large hospital lobby. The sign had individual cut out letters with gold leaf and the works. As I was talking with one of the doctors that had commissioned the sign, one of the letters began to slide down the face of the sign. Evidently, the warmth of the room at that heighth had softened the silicone and released the letter.

[Raymond Chapman]

OK...thought of another hole digging story:

Once we were digging two holes for a 4 x 8 real estate sign. The available land was near a newly opened Lowe's and shopping center. We were using a two man auger and suddenly felt it catch on something. After removing the auger and cleaning out the hole I found two ends of a rather large cable. I had visions of the phone company suddenly owning my shop. As I drove back to the shop to call AT&T my stomach was churning and I had this rather large headache.

The phone company met me there and said that they didn't have any underground cables in the area. As it turned out, it was an area where the construction folks had dumped a lot of scrap and covered it over with topsoil. The cable was just some debris from the Lowe's construction.

Now, we ALWAYS call DIG. That was a close call that I don't want to experience again.

[Kelly Thorson]

It had been a hard week on the job and Dave figured it was darn well time for some fun so he knocked off extra early this Friday afternoon. As preparation for this, he hopped in the “Tweety Twuckâ€￾ and made the six mile trip to the neighbouring town to pick up a jug of whiskey, a roll of bread, some garlic sausage and a slab of blue cheese. His old time pal Henry had been down in the dumps for some time, an annual winter occurrence. There was no point in trying to roust Henry from his doldrums during the winter…somewhat akin to awakening a bear from hibernation, although perhaps a tad more dangerous. However with the arrival of spring Dave felt it an appropriate time to reintroduce Henry to the world of the living.
Upon returning, he returned to the shop to pick up a few supplies…extension ladder…check, gallon of paint & brush…check, coveralls, gloves, work boots, painters hat…check, roll of plastic drop cloth…check, floodlight…check…floodlight????? Satisfied all was in place he set out down the highway to Henry’s.
Henry’s place was once a booming gas station, now closed it sat sadly neglected alongside the highway.
He parked the truck and set to work. After a short while of rustling around Henry showed his presence in the form of a motion of the closed curtain. Content to do his thing and allow the bear to awaken at his own pace he carried on. Depression was one thing, curiosity another and eventually the door opened and a dishevelled Henry appeared. Typical to the relationship, not a word was spoken, these two often communicated as much by osmosis as actual speech.
After painting a strip about twelve feet wide and three feet down from the roof, Dave descended from the ladder, moved it over and removed his coveralls. Henry watched in interest as Dave then proceeded to roll up the drop sheet and stuffed it into his coveralls…so this wasn’t some type of good Samaritan act and his buddy Dave hadn’t joined some fanatic do gooder society…Good! Well Henry may have not been too chipper but a smile began to play across his face as he watched Dave work. He held the ladder as Dave wrestled the stuffed coverall dummy up to the top and nailed it’s one sleeve to the eaves, he didn’t blink an eye when Dave threw the better part of a gallon of paint against the side of his building. He was too busy tipping the ladder so it hooked against the top of a window. Dropping the empty paint can and brush to the ground Dave headed for the truck to retrieve his purchases from earlier that day. With a nod of satisfaction they headed into the house and for the first time in months the drapes were drawn wide to reveal a couple of friends enjoying a good drink and waiting for the show to begin…..
They didn’t have to wait long , within five minutes the first vehicle came screaming into the yard. Dave raised his glass to Henry and winked. They stayed there until late into the night, leaving their seats only for the occasional bathroom break and once to plug in the floodlight. And so Henry emerged from his hibernation once again.

[Jay Allen]

OK - Segale and Jackson both opened a can of worms. So here I go . . .

Nah, just kidding. I do have a big mouth - that's for sure. But so many people are so nice and never tell me to shut up!!

We're just really busy so not enough time to tell it here - and I've told the story so many times before.

Besides, Mike had a better view than me of my 'story'. Or were you and Darla gone by the time I took my daredevil ride?

[Jay Allen]

P.S. - I've said it about my own self - ask me a question requiring a one word answer and I'll answer with a paragraph.

Sorry. It's in the genes!!

[Rick Sacks]

I was sent out on a wall job down on Miracle Mile of the coast highway down in Newport Beach with Hal Benedict. I don't remember the exact name of the business, but it was something massage. This was the first of that new facade of .. houses in this posh area, and we set up some tressles and a plank and proceeded with the layout. Bennie had this habit of cutting his yard sticks to varied lengths for some reason and we both thought he had 36" as I did. He started making his yardstick letters from one end and I from the other and when we met near center there was a surprise. He re established his base lines and away we went on this stucco wall. There was a tag line of smaller copy on either end of the wall also. Bennie's end read Greecian Body Wraps and he assured me that the spelling was correct because Greece had two e's. When two of the "ladies" came out and told him of the proper spelling, he got out the boiled oil and started cleaning up. Well, it was a real hot summer day and I had my part done and went in for a drink of water. The girls saw my wet clothing and said that if I went in to enjoy the sauna, they'd launder my clothes. I did. They did. I went back out as Bennie was finishing up looking freshly showered and in clean clothes. He started stammering and trying to ask what went on inside and I told him to go in and ask for the organ grinder. Well, old Hal's knees started shaking and he packed up real quickly. I think I scared him.

[Rick Sacks]

I worked in a shop with Albert. Albert was a small guy, from Florida, and he spent his after hours and before broke hours in the saloons. He'd show for work when broke. He didn't understand personal hygiene either, often smelling like a racing goat.
I had many adventures over the years with Albert, who's last name was Byard and we called BarnYard. We did alot of work together out on planks of fir 2x12 straddled spanning the tops of the tressle ladders 22 feet above storefronts.We got to where we knew to anticipate the next move the other would make and use their momentum to finnish our stroke.
One time Albert's SS check came and he was gonna fly over to Las Vegas till it was gone.This was a pattern. So here he was, at the John Wayne Airport (Orange County Airport then) He was wearing his madras shirt and pants with vertical stripes and smelling bad and had a change of clothes in a paper bag and had been drinking all day.
You know how when someone get paged over the intercom at an airport everyone looks to see who'll respond? What else is there to do while waiting. Well we called the airport and had them page "The emminant brain surgeon, _ A.E. Barnyard."
I remember his scruffy voice when he answered the phone at the airport, but mostly remember almost pissing my pants laughing so hard imaging the experience of those that watched this brain surgeon stagger to the phone!

[Rick Sacks]

and here is one of my old favorites, remembering my friend Al Zanetti's article from Tod's magazine way back when....


How many signpainters does it take to paint an elephant? By Al Zanetti

(originally published in Signs of the Times, May 1982)

Anyone who has been in the commercial sign business for any length of time will attest to the fact that uncommon requests are not uncommon. It must be the nature of our craft for the public to assume that a signpainter can create anything from large-scale pictorial illustrations to exquisitely carved colonial signs complete with brickwork, landscaping and electricity…and do so while hanging 50 feet in the air or in 10 degree weather, not to mention occasionally having to do it overnight. I can think of no other business which is called upon to perform such a myriad of tasks. So naturally, when a client of our studio asked us to paint a couple of elephants for a Memorial Day promotion, we didn’t even blink an eye.

Actually, it all started out as a misunderstanding. The customer, ITT-Continental Baking Co. (the people who have blessed Western civilization with Hostess Twinkies) was so nonchalant about the request we assumed they simply wanted an elephant or two painted in a few shocards or canvas banner announcing a “gigantic saleâ€￾ or some other cliché slogan. (Customers have a habit of requesting illustrations with the same casualness you would ask a gas station attendant to check your oil.) Not until we had committed ourselves and accepted the job did we realize that we were expected to hand-letter two LIVE elephants.

The elephants, which were appearing with the Clyde Beatty–Cole Brothers Circus, would be available inside their tent a few miles away but could be brought to our shop if it was more convenient for us. We thanked the baking company and the promotional people from the circus but decided instantly that we would make an exception in this case and go to the site to do the work. As minor panic slowly over took our small studio we decided that we had better do some research into what we were up against.

Elephants have been painted and decorated for centuries in India and the Far East and figure prominently in the cultures and Hinduism and Buddhism. But, needless to say, the amount of literature available in the area of elephant lettering was less than adequate, not to mention the difficulty we had trying to get the research librarian to take us seriously. In recalling my years as an apprentice with some of the better sign shops in New Jersey, I couldn’t remember anyone with expertise in this area I could call upon for advice. So, in the true spirit of a capitalist entrepreneur, I decided that instructional help in this long-ignored aspect of signwriting was overdue.

I approached a friend of mine, Eric Sonntag, a graphic designer and artist from Somerset, NJ to give me a hand. I knew that he had recently lettered a large hot-air balloon which was a s close a parallel as I could find to this job. He reluctantly agreed once we decided we could send in a few photos of the finished work to Signs of the Times for the “trunk of the monthâ€￾ contest.

Our first approach was to drive out to the circus and size up the job – maybe take measurements for a pounce pattern. Lettering an elephant didn’t appear as difficult as I first imagined. An elephant’s skin is very rough and folds of skin appear and disappear when the animal moves, but it couldn’t be any worse than lettering a weathered masonry wall with hair. It looked simple but, as we learned, there are certain techniques that should be observed.

Elephants are big. Well, not all elephants are big; young elephants are relatively small but are very frisky – don’t attempt to letter a young elephant. Chose a female, if possible, at least 15 years old and preferably older. They are more docile and less ornery than male elephants. Some males have been known to be downright mean. Don’t letter a mean, male elephant. Don’t even go near a mean, male elephant. We were told, once we started, that in fact no elephant is trustworthy and every one is to be considered dangerous. They have no natural affection for man and are completely unpredictable. It is always unsafe to go too close to an elephant and impossible to tell when one feels threatened. We held on a little tighter to our brushes.

There are two species of elephants: Indian or (Asian) and African. Indian elephants are slightly smaller and are the kind that are used in circuses. It is not likely that you will ever be called upon to letter an African elephant. If you are – don’t! AN average, full-grown Indian elephant stands about eight or nine feet high at the backbone and weighs up to six tons, with a lettering area of approximately 5 x 6 ft. horizontal per side.

Try to avoid painting around the tail area. An elephant’s tail is very active and getting in its way feels like getting hit with a hose covered with sandpaper. Also avoid lettering near the ears. An elephant’s ears flap almost continuously and tend to smear any wet paint they can reach. The ears of an Indian elephant are somewhat smaller than those of the African variety, probably to allow for a larger lettering area. An elephant’s trunk can be lettered, with the degree of difficulty increasing as you work toward the end. Stay around the head area as long as you don’t mind staring into the eyes of a five-ton animal. It’s not worth the trouble to letter t he end of the trunk or the feet. Not only are there too many creases and wrinkles to contend with but an elephant moves often and can be dangerous.

It is recommended that an elephant trainer stay with you at all times to comfort and reassure the animal. Make sure the elephant and the trainer like each other.

Before starting, make sure that the elephant is chained securely to the ground, not to a tree or pole which they have been known to remove with ease. Secure one leg in front and one in the rear. This will not keep her from swaying but will keep her from walking away (or over you) while you are painting. Get acquainted with the job. Pat her on the trunk and (if you are smart enough to bring some along) give her some peanuts – popcorn is also good. This is more for your confidence than the elephant’s. Elephant’s are not afraid of strangers. Ask the trainer for her name. Circus elephants always have names and, believe it or not, they’ll respond to it much like your family dog might. Don’t wear any clothes you wouldn’t want paint splattered all over – you will get splattered. And my all means don’t wear low-cut shoes. Elephants aren’t neat. Remove and materials you are not holding in your hands to a safe distance and keep an eye on then. One of our elephants not only ate the artwork from which we were copying the Hostess Twinkies logo but drank a quart of blue tempera paint while we weren’t watching.

Much like a truck job, have the elephant washed and scrubbed with soap just prior to lettering. They are always dirty, and the colors will have no strength if the surface is not clean. In order to stay cool and keep the insects away, elephants will thrown dirt on themselves. Try to schedule your work as closely as possible to the time it will be shown or used. Your job will look its best for no more than a day after it has been painted.

To lay out, simply use white chalk (elephant skin is medium to dark gray) and a yardstick or four-ft rule (forget the pounce pattern) and proceed as you normally would if you were lettering the side of a building in an earthquake. Lay out your lettering or design as carefully as reasonably possible and use a small to medium-sized fitch to outline the letters. Fill in with a larger brush ( we used foam throw-away brushes but they tended to be a little too soft). Despite its thickness and roughness, an elephant’s skin is very sensitive. A stiff brush such as a fitch will not only tickle the animal but can be irritating. We noticed tears coming from the eyes of one of the elephants we had just painted. We felt bad at the sight but we didn’t like working over Memorial Day weekend either.

A word about copy: despite the size of an elephant, it will not take heavy copy. Keep it short: no intricate loops or Spencerian scripts – large, bold strokes and colors are best. It is imperative that you use a non-toxic water based paint such as a tempera, not only so the work can be hosed off after the show but more importantly so that you won’t make the animal sick. (The promotional manager from the Clyde Beatty Circus told us that just a few months earlier a national television network commissioned someone to paint its logo on the side of one of his elephants for a new spring season promotion and had used bulletin enamels. Enamel, of course, not only did not come off but almost killed the beast. The beast that should have been killed was the painter. ) We used tempera colors which proved excellent for elephant lettering. It will probably be necessary to double-coat colors such as white, yellow, orange or other pastels, but it’s worth it if you have the time.

Elephants do not stand still, so work carefully but rapidly. Use a step-stool or box to stand on. Scaffolding is of little use because it cannot be moved quickly if necessary. Do not try to push the animal into position for your convenience – you cannot push an elephant. A few gentle taps with a heavy stick will usually do the trick but this flourish of bravery is best left to the trainer.

It is not inconceivable that with a little good fortune you too may be called upon to paint a 10,000 pound animal that doesn’t want to be painted. And as any veteran signpainter will tell you, it probably won’t be the most uncommon job you will be asked to do.